NOTHING BUT HEADACHES. who? my family. just left the store and saw this giant christmas display (WHY THE FUCK SO EARLY?). it got me thinking about just how much my family is completely worthless. theyre already giving me christmas lists. CHRISTMAS LISTS? FREE STUFF FOR YOU?
fuck that. every year i always spend hundreds on the kids, something big for the wife, not to mention parents and wifes parents and her fucking brother and sister.
1. wife, when was the last time i had a blowjob? if you cant remember, i wrote it down on my calendar at the shop, it was april 12th. my birthday, and i had to set you up for it for weeks ahead of time. seriously, all i wanted was a bj and a nice dinner. i got the bj, and you didnt even finish.
2. kids. holy fuck you're spoiled. new xbox for your birthday, a fucking honda crx (used, but still). i should have stayed single and not had you little ungrateful fuckers. My sons 13 and got expelled from school last month for fighting. My daughter brought home a racist little prick the other night.
3. parents, ok they raised me, im going to get them something
4. wifes parents. oh fuck no.
Seriously. Im going to get a tree, and put NOTHING under it this year. you know what im getting for christmas? A MISTRESS. cindy at the shop has been itching for me to stay late ever since i hired her. if i dont get some regular nookie coming soon, you're going to get divorce papers for valentines day.
you've been warned via craigslist. family on notice